these are the parts of you that cause my comatose to begin.

i don't want to be labelled as though i'm weak.
it was a long time ago.
just forget it.
thats what you said to me.
you didn't try hard enough.
don't you dare tell me that i didn't try hard enough.
Lord knows how hard i've been trying.
Lord knows how much i've been hurting and how difficult this is for me.
i'm still trying.
so be patient with me alright?
i cannot promise you that i'll get over this soon.
but i don't want to forget.
i don't want to forget that i was once happy.
that i finally broke down these walls.
and now i'm trying to build them up again.
what for?
why do you need these walls?
you ask me again. well then.
let me tell you.
its because i refuse to be hurt again and i don't want to cry anymore just because i feel miserable.
its just something that i don't believe in.
i wnt to be happy.
i really do.
its been something i've been trying to achieve for a really long time.
like i said.
give me some time.

i didn't go to school today. cause i can't be bothered to wake up. cause i slept at one plus last night. talking to my friend called sean. and how the girls in his school are so scary that i think God that i didn't go to a mixed school. because Lord knows what guys do there just to get eye candy. we both know yeah? talking and talking. about how i was so easy to bully and make fun of. and he thinks that its a good thing. saying that i'm ugly and yet. adorable. bottom line. cute. but i still don't think so anyway. i'm an ugly child.
so i guess she heard. about the letter. and maybe that i was supposed to pass it to her. i don't know what to say about it. but like i told her. i'll be totally objective about this. ill be there for the both of you. but. if anyone of you needs me. just call me. and i'll be there. sounds like a song. but no matter. cause its the truth.
but thank you though. FRIEND! for being there. whats in the past remains in the past. i have no intention to go back to it. i don't want to stay in the shadows of the past and end up even more hurt. cause we both know how it is to hurt. i guess all we can do now is to support each other yeah? i guess so.

FRIEND;
just remember alright. i'll be here no matter what. if our friendship can last this long despite what happened. i guess its STRONG! you said that nothing i do will change your mind set about me. i'll say the same for you. and i seriously need to come up with a name for you. rather than jsut typing friend as a heading.

BOOYA;
you know i'll always be here for you alright? no matter what. i know its so freaking complicated. and i don't want to know too much also. if not i get whacked in my face. left. right. up. down. centre. hahas. and i hope nothing changes what we have now. a totally awesome friend.

GOD;
i'm asking for strength. alot of it. to be able to go through what i am going through without breaking down. cause i don't think i can handle it now. why is it that ive been praying so hard everynight before i sleep. praying that i'll be just fine. so make my cross lighter. so that i can carry it properly. instead, make me stronger. so i can lift the cross no matter how heavy it is. and make the road ahead less bumpy. strengthen my faith. make me gow in your grace.
thank you.


my fingers are freezing.
cause the air con at macs are damn shit assed cold.
waitng for anthony to come and meet me.
oh hurry up!